Gurren Lagann: A Spark Of Hope
by Jaybird9x
Summary: I just finished watching the series again and I knew I needed to cover a story of what would happen if Nia wasn't discovered. How would Yoko and Simon get through their depression? Graphic descriptions of self-inflicted harm, deranged mental states, and PTSD.


Numb.

That was all that Simon could feel as he stared at the body of Kamina. The fiery eyes that shone with inhuman determination were now lifeless. The godlike body that caused so many women to swoon was covered with blood and scars.

At least that mischievous, beaming smile that everyone marveled at hadn't gone away. There was still a firm, victorious smirk planted on his bro's face.

Simon couldn't stop retching. His bro had died because of his inaction. His only source of confidence and courage had been killed because he was unable to connect. He could feel the gazing eyes of the other members of Team Lagann. Mixed expressions of anger, sadness, and empathy pierced through his soul.

_If only I hadn't seen them kiss…_ he thought somberly, mentally kicking himself over and over again. He stood there for what felt like an eternity, staring at the dead man, motionless and silent.

Everyone had left to grieve away from the still body of Kamina, leaving him to stare lifelessly at his bro.

He sniffed, tears still staining his cheeks as he stood up and pulled Kamina's arm over his shoulder.

"Let's go bro. Your dad's waiting for you." He whispered, bringing him to Lagann and hoping that the mecha would at least do this one thing for him.

It didn't. He wanted to get angry at the piece of metal for letting his bro die, he wanted to yell and kick at it, but he didn't. Deep down he knew he was to blame for Kamina's death.

He would have to do it on his own. He stared off into the distance, looking out at where he would have to go to reunite his bro with the remains of what Kamina thought was his dad.

_A few hours later._

His body hurt. He didn't care. His arms felt like lava. He didn't acknowledge it. His legs felt like they would fall off. He didn't notice it. He had heard the footsteps behind him his entire trip. He never spoke to them.

He stared down at the grave he had dug by himself, Kamina's jacket flapping away in the wind, tied around that sword his bro always carried.

He fell to his knees, the bags under his eyes and the lifeless gaze heavier than ever, and tears began to fall once again. Footsteps came closer to him and he prepared himself for yet another verbal assault in his life.

_I deserve whatever they say._

The punch wasn't something he was expecting though, and his head snapped to the side from the force of Kittan's fist against his cheek. Blood spilled from his mouth as he laid on the dirt ground.

He didn't hear the words the eldest Black Sibling yelled at him nor did he hear when the other siblings pulled him back and began berating him.

All he could see and hear was the mound of dirt before him and the flapping of Kamina's jacket. He had never felt so weak and useless. He wasn't surprised though. Why would he, a fucking nobody little digger, ever think he could do anything great in his life? He mentally screamed at whatever being took his bro. He begged for his life to be traded for Kamina's. He promised anything and everything that he owned, even his own soul, to have Kamina replace him.

His pleas went unheard or ignored, leaving him to his depression. He could hear Yoko sobbing silently and what was left of his heart broke even more as he realized that he just killed her lover.

They hadn't even been together a day and he already broke them apart permanently. He felt disgusting. His selfishness and idiocy had distracted him when he should have been protecting Kamina.

He stood up and slowly walked away from the grave site, his face and eyes empty, his cheeks stained with his tears. The other members parted ways for him, giving him a human tunnel for his walk of shame. Some of them cast sympathetic gazed at the depressed teen but many couldn't look at him.

_Three days later_.

She still didn't want to believe it, even days later. Their kiss. His promise. She cursed Kamina for leaving her like this. She cursed Simon for his weakness. She cursed herself for trusting a little boy to protect anyone.

_You said you would repay that kiss tenfold...not leave a hole ten times larger in my heart._ She thought, tears refusing to fall anymore. That was all she had done for days and she didn't have anymore tears to shed.

She continued to walk along the corridors of their new base. Her head down and her red locks framing her face. Something caused her to look up and her face darkened as she saw the still closed door of Simon's room. He hadn't left the room since he had buried Kamina. No one approached him either, meaning he probably hadn't had anything to eat or drink for three days.

At first, her heart went out to the struggling form of Simon carrying Kamina alone. Back then, she knew deep down that he and Kamina were like blood brothers.

Now, her feelings for Kamina blinded her from that fact. She believed that she should be the one hurting the most, not some little boy from Kamina's village.

She couldn't hear anything from the room, wondering if the boy had finally left. She was about to walk past when she heard the sound of clinking coming from his room.

She put her ear to Simon's door, hearing mumbling and the sound of a drill chipping away at something. She couldn't hear what Simon was mumbling and was about to move on before she heard a small sob.

That sob ticked her off. The same feeling from before returned and she opened the door, planning to deck the little boy for his weakness.

She froze when she saw the state of Simon's room. His bed was flipped over with the sheets being stripped and the pillow ripped apart. There were puddles of a crimson liquid here around the room.

Dozens upon dozens of rock statues littered the room, all of them being above the knees and some even being her height. Her heart stung when she saw that all of them were of Kamina. The details were so remarkable she almost thought Kamina was actually in front of her.

She heard mumbling in the back corner of the room and she turned to the sound. Simon was facing the corner of the room with another statue in front of him. His sheets were stained with blood and dirt and were wrapped around his small form. The drill handle in his hands was covered with a crimson liquid.

"Simon...?" She hesitantly called out, the small teen's actions unnerving her. She came a little closer to the teen and could finally hear what he was mumbling.

"Too weak. Too weak. Should have been me. Too weak. Too stupid." She froze, looking at Simon's back in shock.

"Why not me? Why him? I'm just a digger. Just a stupid little boy who caused his parents to die. A stupid boy who killed his only friend." He kept mumbling, repeating the lines over and over again.

She could barely breathe as she saw what was probably the most heartbreaking sight she had ever witnessed. She stood there for almost ten minutes, listening to him mumble his mantra repeatedly.

He tried to stand up and move over to the next pile of rock and dirt. His legs gave out, but it wouldn't stop him. He clawed at the floor of his room, pulling him to his next statue. Her eyes widened as she saw the state of Simon's hands and a strangled sob left her throat.

The broken teen froze and whipped around to look into her eyes.

His hands were demolished. The skin looked to be broken in hundreds of places, blood pouring out of the wounds and onto the sheets and his drill. The tips of his fingers almost looked smaller than they originally were, the result of the destruction of the skin on his fingertips. There were multiple fingernails missing, leaving bruised and bleeding holes in their place.

His face was far too thin and the look he gave her honestly scared her. His eyes were dull and unseeing, staring seemingly through her and not at her. They were bloodshot and twitched frequently from stress and anxiety. Blood, dirt, and tears stained his entire face. The boy ignored it all. Blood dripped from his mouth onto the floor and sheets. He opened his mouth to talk and she noticed that his previously pearl white teeth were stained red. She saw fingernail like scars along his tongue, clearly his doing.

"S-S-Simon?" She stuttered, completely shell shocked at how the digger looked.

"G-go away Yoko. I can't let you die too." He mutters, turning away from her and beginning to create yet another Kamina statue. She couldn't breathe or move. All she could do was stare at the depressing scene before her.

Simon continued his task without another word. He had stopped his crazed mumbling but his eyelids still twitched. Her already fragile heart broke apart at the traumatized teen that was clearly worse off than her.

Unlike her, Simon couldn't even function properly without Kamina. Unlike her, Simon had no one to lean on. Unlike her, Simon knew every aspect of Kamina and his life.

Unlike her, Kamina's death broke Simon completely. Tears began to streak down her cheek once again as she cried.

She leapt at his working form, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and gripped the drill in her hands. She slowly removed the drill from the expressionless boy before her. He looked up at her with the slightest amount of surprise in his expression. She buried her face into his neck as she realized he didn't expect anyone to be nice to him anymore.

"Please Simon. Stop. Please." She begged, holding his still form tightly against her shaking body.

"...Yoko?" His voice rasped out in confusion. Good, better to be showing confusion than no emotion at all.

"I'm so sorry, Simon. I'm so so sorry for leaving you like this. I'm sorry for being so selfish and cruel. I'm sorry for letting you hurt yourself like this. Please stop this, Simon. You'll die if you keep this up!" She whispered to him, her guilt weighing down on her heart as she embraced him harder.

He turned his head towards her and she took the time to truly _look_ at him for the first time in a while.

She remembered when they first met. When she first saw him, she thought he was actually quite cute. His smile was bright and his enthusiasm genuine. Kamina had come off as brutish and over-dramatic at first and she couldn't remember why or how her views on him had changed.

His cuteness had left him. In its place was a hardened and rugged look. His face was scarred from both battle and his time in this room. His body, while it had lost a lot of weight, still showed a couple signs of one who had once exercised regularly.

_When had he grown up? _She wondered sadly. She tried to remember his age and nearly started crying again as she remembered he was her age. All of this pain at the mere age of fourteen was hard enough for her, and she had only known Kamina for a few months. Simon knew him for years, if not their entire life.

Yoko missed when he would blush whenever she came near him. She missed his lingering glances at her face and bosom that he thought she didn't see. She missed when Simon's attitude brightened whenever she was around. Hell, the only time he hadn't looked happier and calmer around her was the night when Kamina and her kissed.

Realization hit her faster than a shot from her rifle. The kiss, the second kiss, the rustle of leaves. The dots connected immediately.

Simon had seen them kiss and his emotions were conflicted. It was clear that Kamina and Simon meant everything to each other and that Simon would never try to get between Yoko and Kamina.

If anything, Simon was probably beating himself up for killing her 'boyfriend'. She knew the boy liked her a lot but would never try to take away anyone's happiness. That wasn't how Simon was. He would rather sacrifice his own happiness to keep those close to him happy.

She noticed the closeness between the two teens was making her heart race and her skin to tingle. It was the same feeling that Kamina gave her. She wanted it. She desired that feeing more.

Yoko felt disgusted with herself for wanting to move on so soon after Kamina's death. She also knew that Kamina would belt her across the face and yell at her for not wanting to. Yoko could imagine what he would be saying.

"_WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM? SOME SPECIAL PRINCE WHO YOU SHOULD FAWN OVER WHEN HE IS DEAD?! I WAS KAMINA! THE GREATEST WARRIOR EVER TO WALK THIS PLANET! I WAS THE OLDER BRO TO THE MAN WHO WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH HIS DRILL! MOVE ON, YOKO! MOVE ON OR SO HELP ME I WILL COME BACK TO LIFE JUST TO BELT YOU AND SIMON IN THE FACE!" _She could almost hear his voice screaming at her, posing in a ridiculous stance and yelling out at the sky. She knew what she had to do. She stared into Simon's eyes and took the leap.

"Simon...please don't leave us. We need you to bring us back together. The team needs you to be our drill…" she paused, taking a deep breath, "I...I need you! I need you now more than ever!" She grabbed his dirty cheeks with her hands, closed her eyes, and kissed him.

His body froze as her soft full lips caressed his own. They tasted of oranges and felt softer than feathers. The scent of vanilla soap made him dizzy. Her hands felt a bit calloused from the frequent use of her rifle. They rubbed against his cheeks pleasantly. He found his hand subconsciously reaching up to thread through her hair but stopped when he remembered how bad his hands were.

He broke the kiss, causing Yoko's face to go through a myriad of emotions. Surprise, confusion, embarrassment, and sadness the most noticeable. She was about to flee when he stopped her.

"Wait Yoko!" He called, leaning into her body and hugging her tightly. "I-I liked t-that." He whispered. He extracted himself and held up his hands. "But I didn't think you wanted blood dirt and tears in your hair…" he mumbled, blushing heavily.

She blinked a few times before laughing for the first time in days. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she leaned in once again, her lips connecting with his. She grabbed his hands and wrapped them around her shoulders. The two kissed until their lungs screamed for air.

Breaking apart for air, Simon looked into her amber eyes. "I'm so sorry, Yoko. I…" he trailed off, looking away from her and breathing deeply, "I killed Kamina that day, Yoko. I-I had seen you two...and I s-saw you two and I just couldn't focus an-" he was cut off when a hand grabbed his face and pulled him into her embrace. He blinked when he realized her breasts were now smothering his face.

"I know Simon. I realized that a few minutes ago...I knew you liked me but I didn't realize just how much." She stopped, taking a second to steady her trembling voice.

"When I saw the state you were in just now, it felt like I was looking at another person. I hadn't realized just how much you have changed in a few months. You grew up without me noticing...and I realized how you have felt this entire time. I realized I didn't like the fact you grew up without me noticing."

Her eyes began to tear up again and Simon wipes them away with a part of the sheet. She holds his head closer to her chest, unaware of his intense blush from her large breasts being shoved into his face.

"I felt left behind. I felt like I had missed out on being a part of something. The feeling of not knowing where I fit," Yoko was cut off by Simon's lips. He pulled away a few seconds later, grabbing her hands with his.

"I forgive you, Yoko. For everything. I'm so sorry about Kamina. I'm sorry for being selfish and holing up in here. I'm sorry for leaving you all while I sat here, stuck in my own self-hatred."

She sat there, awestruck by the man before her, and smiled genuinely for the first time in a while. She felt lighter than she had in days. They both closed their eyes, hugged once more, and smiled when they heard Kamina's voice cheering for them in their heads.

"We should see the others. I don't think we should tell them about us yet though." Simon said, looking around his room and blushing when he realized just how many statues he made. There were at least three dozen of them.

"I...uhh...might have gotten carried away with my statue making…" he mumbled, his face resembling a tomato as he didn't meet her gaze.

She snorted at the understatement and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "It's okay. I promise I won't tell everyone about your undying romance for Kamina. 'Oh Kamina! Please come back to me!'" She giggled at the horrified expression on his face.

He stuttered and gaped as he failed to form a proper rebuttal. Smiling widely, she ruffled his hair and stood up, bringing him up with her. "I'm kidding, Simon," she promised. She was about to take him and leave when she saw the state of his body again. Frowning in sadness, she brought him into her embrace again, only to be stopped by a squeak of indignation.

Boota popped out from her cleavage and stared up at her with a face of false innocence.

"One of these days Boota, I swear to you I'm going to skin and cook your tasty ass." Yoko growled, poking at the pig mole's nose. It eeped and jumped over Simon's shoulder and landed on one of the Kamina statues.

"We should clean you up," she mumbled to Simon, casting one more sharp glare at the furball before leaving with Simon in tow.

_An hour and a half later_

Taping down the last bit of bandage over his hand, she looked at her handiwork. It had taken an hour and a half or so, but his hands had finally been cleaned, sanitized, and bandaged. She had made sure to add a cushion between the bandage and the missing fingernails. The only concern now was prior infection. She didn't know for sure if his wounds were infected.

There had been a small amount of pus, but she didn't know if that was from the wounds, his blisters, or something else. She didn't think it was too bad considering once she wiped it away, none replaced it. Still, she made sure he took some antibiotics and regularly came to her so she could wash his wounds.

She had also cleaned up the blood from his face and mouth. It took a bit of work but she managed to stitch up the few gashes in his cheek from where he had bitten at it. All in all, she was just glad he was alive and that he didn't really feel the pain. It probably helped that he had taken a lot of painkillers.

Helping him to his feet, she wrapped an arm around his shoulder and marveled at how he was almost as tall as her. She used to tower above him when they first met, his head only reaching the bottom of her neck. Now he was only half a head shorter than her, meaning she could easily help him around the ship.

After feeding themselves, the two left the dining area swiftly. Luckily, they didn't run into any of the other members, but she could have sworn she felt a pair of amused eyes on her at some point. When she reached her room, she pulled him inside and led him to her bed.

"You will sleep in here while you heal," she commanded him, her tone leaving no room for debate. Blushing heavily at the blatant declaration that they would be sleeping in the same bed, he could only nod his head.

The pair laid down in bed together, both of their faces tomato red. Yoko's breathing was labored as she fought to control her racing heart. Simon fought the urge to faceplant into her welcoming bosom.

It took them less time than they thought it would to fall asleep and two were soon snoring away, curled up against each other.


End file.
